Dumb Americans in Luck

Conversation tidbits over the last few weeks...

In Milan - "No, I don't speak Italian. I took German in high school. Well... no, no. I can't really speak German. Yes. English only."

In Paris - "No. My French is really poor. I studied German in high school... but you can't really practice German in the US... so... well, yes, English is good."

In Zagreb - I'm at a conference right now. Perhaps 8% of the people are from the UK, and 1% from the US - yet, the entire conference is in English.

So all you dumb Americans (me included) you're in luck. The rest of the world is smart enough, so just relax. :-)

Ode to Club Med

I'm hanging at the Club Med... Sure, it's a developer conference (99% guys) but still, i'm in the south of France hanging at the CLUB MED! Sure, it's raining and flooding, but it's CLUB MED!! Sure, i left my window open the first night and got 12 mosquito bits on my forehead, but it's CLUB MED!! Sure, i left my toothpaste at home and just chewed gum for 3 days, but who cares - there are no women, the weather sucks and i look like a freakin leper!

Hummm.... not exactly the Club Med experience i had in mind.

Amsterdam Picnic Moment

We visited the windmills today. Now, i have to admit the idea of visiting windmills didn't really get me excited. Probably going to be very boring... well, let me tell you. I highly recommend it. The windmills look like torture chambers on the inside and a gilligans island huts on the outside. They have big gears - really these windmills are like a mega-size Erector set made of huge old beams - and they have rolling stones (6 feet tall) rolling in circles crushing PEANUTS. That right, the dutch are making peanut butter ya'll.

Now for the Amsterdam Picnic Moment... we were near the windmills, sitting at a bench, eating a picnic lunch, and a group of tourists unloaded from a bus. Next thing we know, this guy waved at us and took our photo. He thought we were a dutch family having a dutch lunch near the dutch windmills. Poor guy. That's a BURIEN family in your Dutch windmill photo... sukka! :-)

Internet cafe?

Not sure if im in an Internet cafe or some money laundring, drug smuggling, wife importing, religious broadcasting, non-showering cult. The same guys are here day after day. Please take a shower!!

As for me... my computer is still busted... and yes, that's the reason why my blog has been 'stale' (drew - just cause weed is readily available - i mean really, really available - that's not the reason for my lack of blogging!) :-)

OK, who's gonna visit me in Amsterdam? Really, this is too good not to share.

My HP has the Asian Flu

My computer caught a nasty virus in Hong Kong, and now i am f$cked!! There are about 10 new spyware programs installed, all running crazy things, totally out of my control. Its hosed. I cant even check my mail, etc.

So... i landed in Milan 10 hours ago. staying in a shit hole. there are no internet cafes in Milan. the whole place sucks... but, ive got to admit, the women do dress nice here. as soon as i got off the train i spotted a 50 year old woman in black leather pants. nice! you dont see that in Burien.

Location: Internet Terminal Bangkok

I think it's time to start drinking. This next flight is going to be brutal. 11 hours to Milan, Italy. I still need to find a hotel in Milan, but i think i'll wait till i land before beginning my search. This last-minute type of behavior will only confirm jana's hunch - I'm crazy. This trip is proof.

My beers of the world tour:
1. Seattle -> San Fran -> Hong Kong -> Singapore
2. Singapore -> Bangkok -> Hong Kong -> Taiwan
3. Taiwan -> Hong Kong
4. Hong Kong -> Bangkok -> Milan, Italy
5. Milan -> Amsterdam
Take a week off... then...
6. Amsterdam -> Milan -> Nice
7. Nice -> Paris? -> Amsterdam?

And what do i have to show for it? What type of heirlooms did i purchase on this trip? Well... i bought a nice watch (swiss-army fake) in HK. I hope it lasts more than a week.

Gum in Singapore?

I was informed that it's OK to chew gum in Singapore, but you can't sell it.

Psssst! Dude... you want some Hubba-Bubba? You're not a cop, are you? This shit is outlawed man, i had to buy it in Malaysia. It's good shit.

Andy's Boathouse is back!

Ahhh, like an old pair of dress slacks that never looked very good - the Boathouse is back!

Take the way-back-machine... 6 months or so... Erik Benson told Jana and me that his site had been hi-jacked by rebels. They were demanding money and threatening to erase everything! Erik paid their ransom, but the boathouse was lost.

Thinking back... I'm not sure anyone really missed the boathouse!?! Only Drew and Ted noticed it was m.i.a.